The holidays are in full swing, and my poor neglected lj is in desperate need of a real update! This isn't that, as I am on a real mission to crank out two and a half more socks before the 25th. Instead, I give you another installment of hilarious spam messages from my email at work. These are some of the best that I've been saving up over the last few months:

• "More men knitting as a hobby"
  
• "Godzilla will be jealous" ???
  
• "Viagra will help you in any situation" Really, any situation? Mountain climbing, doing my taxes??
  
• "Stay rock hard all day" I thought I should call my doctor about any erection lasting more than 4 hours.
  
• "Viagra $1,41 per pill. 100mg x 10 pills = $59.95." Um, you might want to check that math.
  
• "Missing 800-Pound Unicorn Returns"
  
• "Muppet creators go adult" Welcome to the altered state of Drugachussetts!
  
• "Dont let your neighbour satisfy your wife"
  
• "Impeach Bush: Almost 1 Million Votes" Better late than never I suppose.
  
• "Doctors secretly recommend you this store" They're a tricksy bunch, those physicians.
  
• "Your anatomy can be the bad ass truck" Huh?
  
• "Burst through your pants in 2 months" Marketing skills: you can't haz them
  
• "'Silent Night': Carolers Told to Stop"
  
• "Secret tiny helper for men." I hope this is an ad for spider monkeys!
  
• "Message in a bottle? No -- recycle it instead"
  
• "full contact poker"
  
• "Break those chains that have forged your manhood." Remove the stone of shame... attach the stone of triumph!
  
• "one wife is not enough"
  
• "Your manhood will fly like a white dove - independent and free." That's strangely poetic.
  
• "You can visit public pool as you know you have big tool." That one, less so.
  
• "Your little friend will grow like mushrooms after the rain bigger and bigger."

And my personal favorite:

• "You can look fancy even if you are a simple taxi driver."