What kind of girl do you think we are?

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:08:49 GMT

My stint as a performer in the Haunted Forest has inspired and facilitated my foray into real life community theatre! On Sunday night I attended auditions for Dracula: A Reversed Genders Production. I hadn't actually tried out for anything for about a decade (as a desperately awkward and unattractive teenager, my dillweed high school music director dashed my hopes of stardom by not even casting me in the chorus of my freshman and sophomore year drama productions). I thought I'd be really nervous, and I was a little bit, but I actually had a ton of fun! I found out yesterday I'm playing "Ariana" (Arthur) Holmwood--think Cary Elwes's character from Coppola's version in a dress.

How cool is it going to be to do a play about a Countess Dracula preying on "Jane" Harker, the up-and-coming law clerk engaged to stay-at-home writer "William" Murray? Even better than that is the fact that my character's fiance "Lucas"--who I'm pretty sure I get to stake to death after his conversion to vampirism--is to be played by the baby_snister's new beau Miles. The two of them came over to watch the movie and make fun of Keanu Reeves's crappy British accent with me in preparation for the try outs. (Adorable as he is, it will admittedly be awkward if I have to kiss him. But I'll just have to deal with it if that's what the craft requires of me. :-)

My boss thinks that community theatre is going to be my new "thing", and I can't help but think she might be right. It's the perfect combination of flamboyancy and not sitting around inside of my apartment all the time. It's kind of funny because I'm actually pretty shy in person, but it's rather freeing to immerse yourself in someone else's role. I'm guessing that it appeals to a lot of people for that very reason. (beagley, if you're reading this, tell your delightful wife she completely made my day!!)

I wrote a knitting pattern!

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 02:39:35 GMT

I got the most exquisite purple 8gb ipod nano for Christmas (complete with a custom inscription from dear mom)! Between loading hours of songs to it, I decided to whip up an ipod cozy for it to keep it looking new forever, using a bit of leftover sock yarn.

Pattern for Ipod Nano (4th gen) Cozy

Materials: five #2 DPNs or #2 29” circular needle
Knit Picks Essential Kettle Dyed (231 yards/50 gm), <1 skein (good project for leftover scrap sock yarn)
1 button

Gauge: 8.5 sts/in in stockinette stitch

Instructions:

Using Judy’s Magic Cast-On method, cast on 14 sts onto each of 2 needles (total 28 sts). Begin working in the round and K one row (divide 7 sts onto each of 4 needles if using DPNs).

Row 2: *k2, p2* repeat * to end of round.

Continue k2p2 ribbing until work is 3.75” long. Cont. in pattern and bind off last 2 sts in round.

Next round: Continuing in pat., bind off next 16 sts. Place remaining 10 sts onto one needle and work flat stockinette st until flap is 1” long.

Buttonhole:
Next row (RS): k 4 sts, bind off 2 sts, k 4 sts.
Next row (WS): p 4 sts, co 2 sts, p 4 sts.
Continue these 10 sts in stockinette st for another ½ in. Bind off all sts. Sew on button.

Now that Christmas is over and all my knit gifts have been delivered to their recipients, I can finally post my other recent projects!

Hot magenta houglass socks for the snister:

Manly brown & blue socks for Dad:

Lace beaded scarf for willowfinn:

(This scarf is so pretty, I am definitely going to make another one for me!)

Hope everyone had as lovely a holiday as I did with my family!

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:20:14 GMT

The holidays are in full swing, and my poor neglected lj is in desperate need of a real update! This isn't that, as I am on a real mission to crank out two and a half more socks before the 25th. Instead, I give you another installment of hilarious spam messages from my email at work. These are some of the best that I've been saving up over the last few months:

"More men knitting as a hobby"
"Godzilla will be jealous" ???
"Viagra will help you in any situation" Really, any situation? Mountain climbing, doing my taxes??
"Stay rock hard all day" I thought I should call my doctor about any erection lasting more than 4 hours.
"Viagra $1,41 per pill. 100mg x 10 pills = $59.95." Um, you might want to check that math.
"Missing 800-Pound Unicorn Returns"
"Muppet creators go adult" Welcome to the altered state of Drugachussetts!
"Dont let your neighbour satisfy your wife"
"Impeach Bush: Almost 1 Million Votes" Better late than never I suppose.
"Doctors secretly recommend you this store" They're a tricksy bunch, those physicians.
"Your anatomy can be the bad ass truck" Huh?
"Burst through your pants in 2 months" Marketing skills: you can't haz them
"'Silent Night': Carolers Told to Stop"
"Secret tiny helper for men." I hope this is an ad for spider monkeys!
"Message in a bottle? No -- recycle it instead"
"full contact poker"
"Break those chains that have forged your manhood." Remove the stone of shame... attach the stone of triumph!
"one wife is not enough"
"Your manhood will fly like a white dove - independent and free." That's strangely poetic.
"You can visit public pool as you know you have big tool." That one, less so.
"Your little friend will grow like mushrooms after the rain bigger and bigger."

And my personal favorite:

"You can look fancy even if you are a simple taxi driver."

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:50:46 GMT

If you'd like to exchange a Christmas card with me this year, post a comment with your address and I'll send ya one! I know a bunch of folks on my friends list have posted similar offers--I'ma try to hunt down and respond to those entries, but maybe just leave me a comment here anyway, if you can. (If you responded to my postcard post, or I know you IRL, GUESS WHAT! You're already getting one!)

Jebus, December 3rd already?? I've got some serious knitting to do!!

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:23:47 GMT

I'm sitting here trying to think of some clever preamble to a post that's really just blatant camwhoring, but it's taking too long and I have a knitting project I want to work on.

I went shopping with my mum last weekend--she's losing a bunch of weight and we can finally shop at some of the same stores together. I think this shirt is my perfect shade of red:

My new winter coat. The green sweater is also new.

An amazing dress from the BCBG Max Azaria outlet. Who knew this dress existed in Vermont? I have no idea where I will wear it yet. It's hard to tell from the pic but the cream panels have this beautiful gold brocade pattern in them. And the bronze shoes I got to match are actually really comfy.

You know what? Being skinny totally rules, I'll just come right out and say it.

Real life WTF

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 14:50:36 GMT

This came hand-addressed to me in the mail yesterday:

Goddamned Jehovah's Witnesses! Where the heck did this person get my address and why is she sending me her garbage? I wonder if she looked up my name from the Haunted Forest program and she's spamming everyone who participated in such a satanic ritual. What do you think I should send back to her? Atheist propaganda? Pornography? An Ozzy Osbourne CD?

In other news, at the Haunted Forest cast party last night, I signed up to be contacted about performing in a Green Mountain Renaissance Faire this summer, so I have that to look forward to. I also was asked by one of the Fun For Change board members if I'd ever be interested in joining the Board of Directors! I might consider it--it sure would look neat on a resume!

My next knitting project is well underway, but I can't post pictures just yet because the person it's a gift for totally reads my lj. Soon though!

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 16:14:35 GMT

I finished Chris's sweater last night, despite having the majority of my free time completely consumed during the month of October. I think it's my best sweater yet, and is a real milestone--I've only been promising Chris a sweater for the entire 7½ years we've been together!

Isn't he handsome?

I love raglan sleeves for Chris--I think they emphasize his nice shoulders. :)

This guy is always ON, I swear!

Closeup shot

Well, no sense in wasting time... I'm off to start my next project!

Haunted Forest pictures!

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:09:26 GMT

Looks like the Director finally uploaded some pictures!

I am paid in

Another busy night of capturing human souls.

I heart Peter Carlile. I don't know what that strange mist is, but I enjoy the effect.

LOL Maddy getting eaten by wax statues.

OMG so scared!!

Maddy is a fucking terrifying clown.

Now it's my turn to get eaten! I'm a little smaller than Maddy, so two statues ought to do the job.

This thing was so cool!! Too bad the stilts broke after the first night.

Really, really scary when it would light up and appear from nowhere in the pitch black.

Scary-ass 20' robotic pumpkin machine called simply "Project X." I got to work the controls and do its voice for the final performance!

Aww, it's the kids' matinee show. I got cast as a friendly witch at the last minute!

So much fun... so glad it's over!! Anyone get their postcard yet? Anyone still want one? :)

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:58:02 GMT

I can't believe that only three lj friends trust me with their mailing address to receive a postcard! Maybe the lack of pictures caused people to skim over the entry. Anyway, the offer's still out there: leave me a screened comment with your address if you'd like a postcard from your petulant livejournal friend in exotic New England!

Well, barring the possibility of a last minute absence during tonight's performance, my role as the Evil Fortune Teller has concluded... but the black and blue eye makeup will live on forever. Seriously, I've scrubbed three times and that shit does not come off:

From after I got home last night--love the hat hair!

My poor co-star this time got his script at the last minute and could not act his way out of a paper bag! You'd think he'd at least be able to fake elation at having escaped from jail, since he had been in prison for 3 years. (Yeah, that wasn't an awkward conversation or anything.) I still rocked the scene though, and coached him as best I could between groups. It's been a total blast but I think I'm just about ready for this think to be over!

I think I'll try to go shopping for some warmer shoes for my role as a guide tonight. I seriously thought I was going to get frostbite last night. If I have the energy when I get home, I'll watch Natural Born Killers, as is our newly formed Halloween tradition. What are YOU doing for Halloween?

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 11:01:17 GMT

The last couple of weeks have been so incredibly busy with the Haunted Forest and I am really behind on my friends list! I'll make it up to you: comment with your address and I'll send you a real life postcard! (Comments are screened, of course.) Let me know if you'll send one to me and I'll supply you with my address as well. :-D

I decided Ghouls Gone Wild wasn't for me and signed up for more Haunted Forest volunteering tomorrow--the final show. I've made a lot of cool friends and would much rather be there for the big "OMG it's overrr" party for free than spend $20 to hang out with a bunch of drag queens I don't know.

This is awesome

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:37:09 GMT

Saturday and Sunday I played "Amber," who gets devoured by wax statues after sneaking into the Wax Museum with her boyfriend "Billy." The scene is played in a pitch black tent, and, as Billy takes a few flash photos, the statues close in motionlessly on poor defenseless Amber. I supplied my camera to use in the scene. This is the best set of about forty.

(We were supposed to have four statues and started with three. Our cannibal statue was played by a 13-year-old boy who bailed before the first hour ended. Asshole.)

"Aww, my eyes were closed! C'mon, take another one!"

"Uhh, Amber?" What? ...Ow, Billy don't grab me like that, that hurt!" "I'm all the way over here!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHH!!!"

After I disappear from the pitch black tent, Billy finds the lightswitch and finds the statues have the bloody remains of her scarf and that ass-ugly hat. OMG SOOOO SCARYY!!1

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 23:25:42 GMT

I... had... so MUCH FUN ACTING IN THE HAUNTED FOREST!!! Seriously, one of the best experiences I've had in recent memory. I got a fun fortune teller costume and some wonderfully dramatic stage makeup. My co-star was an adorable 17-year-old total drama king hambone named Peter, and together I can safely say we had the best scene of the night! We only had to perform our 2½ minute scene, oh, say THIRTY times over the course of the evening, so we got to refine the performance as we went along.

As I mentioned in a previous post, my scene consisted of an escaped prisoner stumbling into my fortune teller's lair, expecting to find his long lost love... instead, he discovers that his darling Clara, whose own act of murder for which he went to jail to hide, was the one who paid the fortune teller to murder him in his cell. He proceeds to try to pawn off the souls of some of the audience members in order to spare his own. We got such a fantastic reaction from them as I explained that to power my "magics," the souls have to be INNOCENT upon death. ("...that man DEFINITELY isn't innocent, and I don't think he'll be dead for at least an hour or two!")

Additionally, I in fact did NOT freeze to death, as my scene came with a nice little fire pit--thank CHRIST--I smelled like I'd been curing a fucking ham by the time I got home, but at least I didn't have frostbite! I think the only reason the 12 yards of sequined polyester skirt I wore didn't catch fire was because the bottom half of it was completely soaked... we were in the middle of the woods, after all.

The best part is that everyone loved my performance so much, I got invited to fill in some other scenes! So, next Thursday I get to reprise my fortune teller persona! Eeeee, so much fun! I think this may be indicative of a higher calling for me... I may need to quit my job as an Administrative Assistant for a nonprofit and become a full-time actress! (I told my boss that and she seemed less than excited. Oh well.)

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:28:39 GMT

Holy crap! Tomorrow's the night of my big performance in the Haunted Forest! Okay... so my scene is only 2½ minutes long, but I have to perform it, like, 50-60 times over the course of the evening. Those of you who can keep track of these things know that my character is an evil, soul-stealing fortune teller who preys on a wrongly accused prisoner who thinks he's escaped from jail, but actually has been... MURDERED!

Cue the dramatic prairie dog:

I've memorized my lines to the point that I can recite them in my sleep, and practiced my grand, cackling finale so many times my neighbors must think I'm crazy or on crack. (It's only any good if it's really, really piercing.) I've also been working on PUNCTUATING every single SENTENCE with some kind of physical FLOURISH. It's a lot harder than it seems.

Eeep, I hope my voice doesn't give out and that I don't freeze to death! Most of the tickets are SOLD OUT and my folks and possibly several of my coworkers will all be there. Wish me luck!!

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 14:38:38 GMT

Reasons why this weekend is awesome:

1. Yesterday's pumpkin carving party for the Haunted Forest. Maddy, Chris and I joined what must have been at least a hundred people to carve nearly a thousand pumpkins! I think I got at least 7-8 done before my hands decided they'd had enough. (It is DAMN cold inside a pumpkin that's been sitting in the woods all night!) Someone even took my picture for the local paper--if it makes it online I'll be sure to post the link. I can't believe the show starts on Thursday; I'm a little nervous about my first dramatic performance since I was Hodel in my 8th grade production of Fiddler on the Roof!

2. Rock Band 2 comes out (for PS3) TODAY--Chris is picking up our pre-purchased copy from the mall RIGHT NOW. After the Haunted Forest Character Acting Workshop this afternoon (so excited!), Chris and Maddy and I are going to play it ALL NIGHT LONG. (I mean, within reason. We all have to work tomorrow.)

3. The Church Street Marketplace got taken over by ZOMBIES last night! I arrived with camera in hand just in time to witness the undead descend upon unsuspecting shoppers.

ALL the dogs on Church Street were COMPLETELY freaking out.

So much fall-tastic fun this month! I'm off to practice my lines!

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:34:34 GMT

The Champlain Islands of Vermont are home to a very special breed of redneck, and no better opportunity to fully immerse yourself in the culture exists than at the South Hero AppleFest. Chris and I found ourselves there this past Sunday, where I managed to pass a few bittersweet hours, despite scarcely being able to move after helping to unload a truckload of about 900 pumpkins for the Haunted Forest the day before.

Chris and I are like this pretty much all of the time.

There they are!

An example of the type of low-rent entertainment attractions one can expect to encounter in South Hero... what is perceived to be some sort of musical act actually... is not. These are, in reality, some type of homemade percussion instrument, each lovingly adorned with a stuffed animal--presumably also acquired at AppleFest--that are "played" in rhythm to country songs on the radio.

Some kind of apple-based life form, engaging in what appears to be a recruiting exercise.

My niece, Catie. Aw, hi Catie!

After soaking up as much local color as I could stand, it was off to beautiful Smugglers' Notch for leaf-peeping and an impromtpu caving expedition.

So pretty!

I am married to a 12-year-old boy!

Meeeeee!

A pretty root formation growing over the rocks.

I am running out of clever captions for these pictures!

On the ride home. These photos have been digitally enhanced for your autumnal pleasure. BELIEVE in the fantasy!

Monday was a paid holiday, and all day long I cleaned the house top to bottom. The place looks so nice I took pictures of that too, because I always love seeing what my lj friends' houses look like. But I'ma save 'em for another post.

I just had to re-type this whole thing after my embedded video fucked up my whole post, and I'm really annoyed! How was your weekend? Did you get Columbus Day off from work? Who's decided on a Halloween costume yet?!

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 12:23:27 GMT

Finally have the final pictures of my sock project that I've been promising. Completely raw and unedited-for-prettiness pictures, since in a couple minutes I have to get ready for my first day of volunteering at the Haunted Forest, building and painting sets and such. As long as they don't ask me to operate any power tools, I should be all set.

Have you ever tried to take a decent picture of your own feet before? It's pretty darn awkward.

Anyhoo, Chris's sweater is coming right along... knitting miles of straight stockinette stitch is kind of boring as hell, but on big #8 needles it's super fast, and I'm already about 1/3 of the way done after only working on it a few days. Hopefully, Chris will still be "surprised" when it's all finished. I keep telling him I'm working on a really big test swatch.

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 22:45:22 GMT

I am 26 years old today. How the heck did that happen? Wasn't I just in middle school a few minutes ago?

The first 13" of the back of Chris's sweater are finished. A final picture of the socks is coming soon... I have yet to have the time in the morning when my feet are freshly washed to block the suckers! If you have no idea what I am talking about, you are right to be confused.

Who else watched McCain get pwned last night?!

/off to the kitchen for more birthday wine...

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:05:37 GMT

Wednesday night I got to see a FREE Margaret Cho show at Higher Ground! Once again, the baby_snister is fully responsible for all coolness in my life. She got two tickets by showing up to the box office with a printed copy of her Myspace profile. We were accompanied by her friend Steven, who I've only met a few times before, but love already, and we just had an absolutely fabulous time.

I can honestly say without hyperbole I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. I don't think a single sentence that came out of Cho's mouth would have been suitable for television broadcast... or anything else, for that matter. She is the raunchiest, most fucked up stand up comic I have ever heard--and I got to sit right in the front row! AWESOME!!

The baby snister getting ready to laugh and lookin' foxy in a pretty purple turtleneck. (Not shown: the fabulous Ann Taylor LOFT leather jacket she got for a song.)

Me, twisting around awkwardly in my chair.

Maddy's friend Steven, who is just about the cutest thing I ever saw.

Steven and his friend Minnoe (sp??) who I'd never met before. A nice girl!

I snapped one flash photo when everyone else seemed to be doing it too--the security guy was sitting two feet from me so I guess I was allowed!

I cannot believe how tiny Margaret Cho is! And she did the whole show in, like, 4" heels and now I want her shoes.

The grand finale--a big song and dance number entitled Eat Me Out. "...You'll be singing this at the office tomorrow!"

In other news:

I'll be seeing yet another comedy show at the same nightspot this Saturday, where Paul F. Tompkins of Mr. Show and Tenacious D fame is doing two live performances.
My other sock is nearly finished; will post pics of the completely product shortly. I have a great big shipment of delicious yarn due to arrive in the mail any day now, which should keep me all set for projects right up through Christmas.
No official confirmation yet, but I applied to be a volunteer in this year's Haunted Forest! Oh I hope I get to spend October jumping out of bushes and frightening small children; it's what I do best! EDIT: I have been cast as "Madame Zellah," a murderous, fortune telling crone whose magic is powered by the capturing of INNOCENT HUMAN SOULS!

So far this autumn is shaping up to be pretty fantastic! Good times!!

Music meme!

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 23:31:32 GMT

* Put your music player on random.
* Post the first line from the first 32 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
* Let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
* Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly.
* Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

1. Here in the hall of heads, you look through the keyhole
2. Loopy says he likes it up on top
3. Ooh baby do you know what that's worth?
4. I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
5. I see you on the street and you walk on by
6. Well here's the story of my life, listen and I'll tell it twice
7. When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
8. I keep looking for a place to fit in
9. Excuse me if I may turn your attention this way
10. Haiti, mon pays, wounded mother I'll never see
11. Send a telegram, tell me your thoughts
12. Bet you got it all planned right
13. Mr. Horrible, Mr. Horrible, telephone call for Mr. Horrible
14. If language were liquid, it would be rushing in
15. Por el camino del sitio mio
16. You should tell me what's buggin' you
17. One of my fondest memories was sittin' on my daddy's knee
18. She's a pornographer's dream he said
19. Really think I better get ahold of myself
20. There goes the law screamin' by
21. He left no time to regret, kept his dick wet
22. Baby's on fire, better throw her in the water
23. For the benefit of Mr. Kite, there will be a show tonight
24. Sleeping is giving in, no matter what the time is
25. Nobody owns me, I don't wanna be anybody's fool
26. Make me a deal, and make it straight
27. We had our neighborhood girl, she used to hang out in front of MacKenzie's bar
28. Conquest, he was out to make a conquest
29. My girl's gotta big mouth
30. Hung up and bent on a stranger
31. You can't resist her, she's in your bones
32. Long as the day, take it away

Geez, some of these are really easy! Sorry for all the memes but this one looked too fun to resist. Have at it!

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 22:09:08 GMT

Instructions: Comment on this entry to be given a letter. Then post in your journal with 10 of your favorite things starting with that letter. Hopefully you'll learn a little more about me, I don't think this is just another boring meme.

uberlove gave me "D".

1. Drumming in Rock Band. It is SO addictive once you get the hang of it!

2. Dogs, especially pugs and greyhounds (my childhood pets). While I don't currently have any pups of my own (makes apartment hunting downright impossible), I do work in a very dog-friendly office, and my co-workers' canines never fail to bring a smile to my face, no matter what kind of day I am having!

3. Dinner. I just love food, and I love cooking new recipes for my increasingly adventurous husband, who couldn't tell an artichoke from an avocado when I met him.

4. Driving my Nissan Versa. While it's been six months since it stopped being "brand new", after 7½ years of driving a '98 Dodge Neon, its novelty has not yet worn off. I love that car!!

5. Diane DiMassa. Hothead Paisan is my hero! (Somehow, I have no difficulty at all reconciling that with 4½ years of wedded bliss with my amazing husband. :)

6. Dieting. What can I say, I've got it down to a science! Ask anyone who knows me, I'm a walking calorie calculator.

7. David Cross. If you are unfamiliar with HBO's Mr. Show, put it on your Netflix queue. NOW.

8. Dr. Phil. (Yes, I am reaching into my User Info listed interests for help now. D is a hard letter!) Sure he's a quack, but is there anything more satisfying than watching the self-deluded and mentally ill get told on national TV? Oh snap!

9. Digital photography. I never could seem to get the hang of the bringing film in to be developed, and my Elph PowerShot SD400 has made me quite the shutterbug. Instant gratification FTW!

10. Discounts. (Again, reaching here, sorry!) I am a consummate bargain hunter and can't stand to pay full price for just about anything.

Whoo, that was harder than I thought it would be! Who's next? :-D

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 00:05:10 GMT

Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? What are you going as?

My little sister has promised to take me with her to Ghouls Gone Wild this year--for linkophobes, that's the Halloween ball at Vermont's least lame night club. I'm struggling to come up with a hot costume that's not skanky or completely esoteric. Any ideas? I've got to top Maddy's Carmen San Diego from last year!

baby_snister, you really should dress like that everyday!

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 15:30:35 GMT

It's definitely fall in Vermont--the leaves are just barely beginning to turn, and that cool crispiness has returned to the air. Like clockwork, two things happen to me at this time of year: I start smoking again, and I have an uncontrollable urge to get wrapped up to my elbows in yarn for several hours at a time.

I'm kicking off this year's autumn knitting obsession with a fun toe-up lace sock pattern called Interlocking Leaves--isn't that apropos? I love making socks.

In the beginning, there was a toe. Don't ask me how this is done, you won't be able to understand.

Little more...

As it is now--an actual foot!

I'm pretty sure I know who I'll give these to. Maybe if I can get my shit together I can actually make Christmas presents for people, like, before the week of Christmas!

One more pic, because it is cute:

The baby_snister getting a snuggle on with my cat. She's going to take me clubbing with her on Halloween; maybe then I can stop being such an uncool loser all the time!

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:44:14 GMT

I want to eat everything right now! Half of my co-workers are aspiring pastry chefs who insist on bringing cookies and cupcakes in to share every morning and throwing a sixteen-course potluck lunch every two weeks. Assholes! Who the fuck eats chocolate chip cookies at 8am? This office obsession with food has to stop, this is getting ridiculous.

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 22:47:04 GMT

So, those of you who have been paying attention may know I work for a nonprofit that works to end hunger in Vermont. One of my job duties is to archive all of the media hits around our work, and this was a particularly active week for media coverage (yay!). One of the things that bugs me the most is having to read all of the asinine comments that readers can leave on articles, thanks to the magic of the internet.

I am pretty sure it is the same five or so people every time, commenting about how Food Stamps and government nutrition programs are somehow stealing from honest Vermont taxpayers, and that no one ever gave their parents a handout, or that poor people are lazy and irresponsible and spend all their money on cigarettes and cell phones instead of feeding their kids. It makes me so upset that there are so many people in our country who believe these things.

First of all, Food Stamps bring money into the state. It is funded by the federal government, therefore the actual impact to the state is very small. The money goes into Vermont businesses and boosts the local economy.

Second, the majority of Food Stamp recipients aren't lazy, unemployed substance abusers. The majority of them are single working mothers with two children. The most you can earn and still be entitled to Food Stamp benefits is $27,000 gross for a family FOUR. Have YOU ever tried to raise a family on that and feed them a consistently nutritious diet?

Yes, probably some Food Stamp recipients drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. Do we only judge people for those vices if their income is below a certain level? If you were struggling just to get by you might look for ways to relax, too. Even if a parent really is so terrible, and they spend all what little they have on booze and cell phones, does that mean we punish their child for that?

Children NEED nutritious food to learn. Everyone knows that there are fewer and fewer opportunities for a good job without a college degree in this country. Our economy depends on services that are increasingly cerebral in nature. Public nutrition and the ability to learn are SOCIAL issues! These children are going to grow up to work in your banks and hospitals, or at least your Starbucks. Don't you at least want them to be able to get your order right?

And another thing: the most recent comments that have me so riled up are about how Vermont recently expanded its eligibility requirements so that you can actually have assets of more than $2,000 and still qualify. That means that the new people the program is going to help are the ones that are working and saving money for a house or car repairs. You know, like responsible working Vermont taxpayers do??

It just bugs the crap out of me that there are people who think doing away with any kind of social welfare programs is a good thing, but probably don't bat an eye at the amount of money spent on the war in Iraq. Heaven forbid we spend a few cents on breakfast for a needy child. Anyway, I feel better now that I've gotten that out of my system. This rant tag may wind up getting more use than I thought. How does everyone like my fancy new Paid Account theme?

I can haz picture meme?

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:43:37 GMT

Holy increased friends list Batman! Won't you post a comment with a picture of yourself so I know who all of you people are? And then tell me something interesting about yourself to remember you by, such as that you suffer from a mild case of Prosopagnosia.

Since I've already posted seventeen billion pictures of myself this week, instead here's the Fark Photoshop challenge entry I stayed up way past my bedtime working on last night.

31 votes, biatches!